Friday, October 24, 2008
I Miss You
I said the next post will be photos of Chun but well, it's the time of the year for me to get this up so I'll do this first.
How have you been my dear friend? It had been a year since you left us. I was supposed to visit you with C the day before your anniversary but I'm really sorry I didn't do it because I had many things to be done. I know that's not a very good excuse so I'm apologising.
Even this blog post for you is late. I'm truly sorry.
Since you left I feel that I have been apologising so often. I don't know why. In this year so many things have changed and happened. I have a lot of things to tell you but don't know why my mind is blank now as I'm typing this.
In this year I realised that I have grown up a lot. And the biggest reason is you. You have made me seen a lot of things and learn a lot. Sometimes I really wish that you are still around because I know you will give me the best advice if I ever need one. However saying all these now seems to be pointless.
In this year I wrote 3 songs for you. I know that you will still be able to hear it even though you are high above protecting us.
Song 1
失去
Lost
written from 03/12/07 to 02/01/08
听见那一刻我哭了
When I heard it, I cried
分手也没流泪
Even when breaking up I did not cry
你曾说我是你天真情人
You once said that I am your innocent lover
无人能争
That no one can snatch away
如今弃我而走
Now you have left me
要我如何放手
How do you want me to let go
想珍惜
Want to cherish
你不在
But you are not there
只有过去
Only the past
有你存在
Had you around
爱你想你
Love you, think of you
恨你
Hate you
但更恨自己
But I hate myself more
如果不曾放手
If I didn't let go
幸福会否到手
Will happiness be in my hand?
思念已加深
The feeling of missing has increased
爱情已走远
Love has left
失去你
Losing you
快乐无法延续
Happiness can't continue
I wrote this song from C's point-of-view because I know how sad she had been since you left. I believe that even though now she hasn't get over the fact that you are gone but she has become much stronger. I know you will be so proud of her.
Song 2
关系
Relationship
written from 03/01/08 to 26/05/08
失去后
After losing
才懂珍惜
Then I know how to cherish
你我点滴
Everything between us
哭泣已没用
Crying is pointless
想你是所有
Thinking about you is everything
心里的痛谁懂
Who will know the pain in the heart
说我很你
Saying I hate you
是借口
Is an excuse
恨自己放弃你
Hate myself for giving you up
手如果不分
If we didn't break up
你就不走
You wouldn't have left
我想再爱你
I want to love you again
再抱你
Hug you again
继续我们的
Continue our
关系
Relationship
说再多已没用
Talking too much is pointless
想再多已没用
Thinking too much is pointless
只因你不再
Because you are already not around
Another one from her point-of-view. Before she left for Canada I have seen the sadness in her eyes. I know if there is a second chance she will certainly not have broken up with you. But all those 'ifs' are pointless now, because you are already not with us.
Song 3
后悔
Regret
written from 26/05/08 to 12/08/08
朋友
My friend
你好吗？
How have you been?
在另一个世界快乐吗？
Are you happy in another world?
她还想你
She still thinks of you
你知道吗？
Do you know?
你还会想她吗？
Do you still think of her?
有时会后悔
Sometimes will regret
不曾去催
Never urge
你开嘴
You to open your mouth
有时会后悔
Sometimes will regret
不给你机会
Never give you the chance
多说几回
To talk more
突然忘了你的脸
Suddenly forget your face
忘了你爱冒险
Forget that you like adventure
忘了永远
Forget about forever
哭泣已没用
Crying is pointless
事情已不同
Matters are already different
只能在记忆中
In memories
追寻你脸孔
Searching for your face
This song is written from my point-of-view. After writing two songs from C's point-of-view, I suddenly realise that I have not voice out my feelings to you. In our group of friends, you are always known to be more quiet. Thinking back now, I really regret never urging you to voice out more often. I always wonder. If you were more voca, would things have turn out differently in the end? But like I said, all 'ifs' are pointless now.
After you left I suddenly realise I have not seen you for such a long time until I forgot how you look like. I tried searching for your face in my memory every night, but nothing ever comes out. I really wonder what sort of friend I had been when you were alive.
C showed me your diaries before and I know to you we are special. To us, you are special too but I really feel bad. I feel bad for not doing my part as a friend and not realizing the seriousness of things earlier.
On the day of your first anniversary, I promise you this. I'll keep a lookout on C, I'll make sure that she remains the optimistic girl that you have known. I promise to be a true friend to her and whenever she needs someone beside her I'll be there.
Rest in peace my dear friend.
In loving memory
Darrel Yang Jun En
11:35 PM