Saturday, April 25, 2009
Emotional
I just got back home from an outing with friends who I haven't been out with in a long long time. Don't know why I just suddenly slipped into my emotional mode again....
I slept super early at like 8:30pm on Thursday and didn't really woke up until 8:30am on Friday morning. Don't ask me how I did that cause I just can do it. Anyway... The first thing I did was to bring my phone to charge and checked my sms-es. Truth be told, I had like sms coming in like mad.
Then the bomb dropped.... Ella will be having a new drama and the male lead is Jerry Yan! Seriously at that moment I just jumped out of bed. I immediately switched on the computer and logged into the forums I visited. I ran between the living room and my room to check the news, reply news and sms my friends. Don't know why... While I was replying sms I just suddenly cried. Not for long though, just dropped a few tears...
Anyway my whole mood was deeply affected then. I just simply runned in and out of the room to reply sms.
Since I had an appointment with Laywei, Chris and Summer for karaoke session at Top 1. I just showered, had breakfast then went out. However I had to get something for work at Raffles Place so I took a cab there and on the way my phone was never quiet too.
After getting the things, I took the train to Top 1 and met up with Chris and Laywei who were already there. So we started singing and while singing my phone never rested as well.
Everyone was more or less affected by the news but as the day progressed we sort of became fine with it. After all it is already confirmed and there was nothing we can do about it.
After singing, together with Summer who joined us at around 2 plus we headed off to a steamboat place and had steamboat for dinner. It wasn't that expensive and it was rather nice. Maybe that's why I'm still here now cause I ate too much and am still full.
After dinner we wanted to watch movie but Bugis didn't had the show we wanted so we walked from Bugis to Orchard.
On the way I called Nad since our phone calls previously had to be cut off due to some reasons or another. Haiz... All I say is that this drama still causes a stir in some of us...
We checked The Cathay but it didn't have the show we wanted so we walked to Plaza Singapura. However the last slot for that movie has already started so we decided to look for a place to chill. We sat at Secret Receipe to had cakes and talked.
At 11pm, we all made our way home since the shop was closing.
On the way home I was chatting with Chris on the bus.
Seriously I don't know why my passion for CE this time lasted for so long. 3 years... It's really long isn't it? I don't even know why I'm doing all these.
What makes me so sure that they are together? What keeps the believe burning in my heart? Was it really the believe or are we all just deceiving ourselves? I seriously have no idea to all these questions.
I remember I once asked Dinah and the rest of my CE friends. What will happen one day if CE gets married to other people? All of us had the same answer. Cry our hearts out and never believe in celebrities couple again.
I guess I had been really down lately. I can read stories, blogs, listen to songs and suddenly start crying. I don't know what is wrong with me? Is it because I have seen too many peopel leaving the world these days that I just control my emotions? Or is it because the idea that many people will be leaving to pursue their future next year that is killing me? I really don't know.....
I alighted the bus and plugged in my mp3. I don't know why I like to torture myself. I looked through the songs and suddenly played the song which I knew will affect me. I don't know why I did that. Maybe I just want to cry my hearts out.
And that's what I did. I listened as the song was played and cried. I can only be glad that it was close to midnight so there wasn't many people walking along that stretch of road. I allowed my tears to flow as I walked. I don't even want anything to cross my mind....
Actually this song was really long and it had never brought any feelings to me but recently when I heard Aaron Yan singing it at the Fahrenheit's concert in KL, I got all emotional about it. When I heard it last month I already felt like crying but I didn't cause I was in a crowded place and I had people around me. Subsequently when I heard it I always had that feel but I didn't cry.
Today when I sang it at the KTV I really got the urge to cry but I hold on to it. Guess I couldn't hold anymore as I was walking back....
Sometimes I really wonder. Why will be the one there for me when I needed them the most? I used to have someone really close but now.... I don't know. What is happening between us? What changed everything? Was it me? Did I changed so much that I already don't have anyone beside me who I can share my troubles with? Am I the only one left in my own little world?
I really got no answers to all those questions in my mind now.... I just feel that tonight I have become really weak.... Maybe I really need to cry my hearts out.... But... Do I have a reliable shoulder that I can lean on....?
1:49 AM